Nine years…

June 25, 2015 - June 25, 2024

10 years ago I graduated from college feeling terrified and confused. I called my mom every day, crying. Ironically, one of the top songs at the time had a line that went, “Don't go crying to your mama 'Cause you're on your own in the real world.” But, I got a “real job” and cried every morning when my alarm went off, and kept calling my mom. 

9 years ago  I spent my 24th birthday alone on the couch, eating Cheetos and crying. I decided to buy a plane ticket to Costa Rica. Then, on June 25, 2015, I got on that plane terrified and hesitant and moved to Heredia; I had no idea at the time it would become my home for years to come. I became a certified English teacher, and felt completely lost. I said I was going to quit and move home, but a  friend texted me and said to me “Stop crying and do this shit,” so I did.

8 years ago I worked at a school, clueless about so many things, and got promotions that didn’t make sense to me or anyone, but I tried my best. I look back on that first year and laugh; thankful that I had a good attitude even when I was making things up as I went. I made incredible friends, started to understand what being an educator meant, went out to the bars, made beach trips, and made weird but hilarious decisions with my new  best friends from all over the world. . 

7 years ago I asked for a demotion at work. It felt embarrassing and confusing even to me but more so to others, It was a pivotal moment where I prioritized myself over others' expectations. I’m not sure if I would be that humble now, but I am proud of my past self for that. Of course, I continued my adventures and embraced the pura vida life that I loved so much. 

6 years ago I said goodbye to Costa Rica “forever,” had a going-away party, cried while hugging everyone I'd ever met in the country (even the people who sold me kale and broccoli at the market). Then, after just 3 months of being home in Georgia, I surprised everyone (including myself) by coming back To Costa Rica. I could feel that my time there wasn’t complete and I needed to go back. I realized that just because I had a plan and wrote it down on paper didn’t mean I had to follow it rigidly. No plan was more important than the life I was living at that moment. 

5 years ago

I started a Master’s program, left Costa Rica again, and felt confident about my future. I was wrong.  A relationship I was in ended and I thought it “ruined” my life but actually, it improved me forever because of all that I learned. But it led to positive changes. I ran a half marathon, hiked Chirripó, got a double ear infection, and took two international flights all in one week. I cried but I started to understand the importance of slowing down.

4 years ago

I finished my Master’s, adopted my cat Nacho on a whim, and spent seven months in the middle of nowhere Georgia with my family; going a full month without seeing anyone under the age of 60… but I saw lots of horses and cows. I learned to make candles with my aunt, tried baking “beer bread” and started a business from my bed while crying. Oh, and it was during COVID.

3 years ago I met a partner who made me feel safe, stable, and happy; who challenged me and has been there for major life lessons, health scares and all the highs and lows. I said goodbye to a best friend who left Costa Rica, and we comforted ourselves with carbs, butter, and cheese. There was a lot of crying.

2 years ago I learned intense life lessons about life, death, and trauma. I witnessed and experienced lows I didn’t know existed but also observed and felt immense love and compassion from friends (from CR to the US to Canada), students (the ones who asked  “how are you?” and genuinely wanted to hear from me), and even strangers (like, the poor man doing my nails listening to my sad stories).

1 year ago I adopted my little baby Chip the cat. I learned how to start over again and again and again and again. I gained another mother figure as I became close with a señora who taught me about life and resilience and is always there for a  hug, a kiss on the cheek and to tell me I look ‘guapa’. I had some of the best coffee dates in the world with new friends I kept making and old friends that came to visit.

0….

This year, on June 25, 2024, I reflect on the highs and lows. I lost my grandparents, two of the most special people in my life, and I’m still managing that grief from afar. For the first time, I grappled with the guilt of being far from family in times of need.

I continue to be in awe of how supportive my family is; being lucky enough to have them as a safety net is a privilege. Unfortunately I know that  I have taken them for granted in the past, but I hope I never do again. How lucky am I to have my 7 year old nephew give me the most healing bear hug in the world at the time when I needed it most?

I CANNOT believe that nine years have passed. I’ve made incredible, meaningful relationships, and I’ve made big mistakes and still hold some regrets. But I’m proud of a lot too. I’ve shown up for friends, told people I love them, and said sorry when needed. I’ve never been prouder than when my nephew FaceTimed me, beaming, “Aunt Molly! When I turn 13, you’re gonna take me around the world, right?” (Am I the cool travel aunt? Dream come true!)

Reflecting on these nine years, the thesis is: I did it. Not alone, but I did it. I’ve needed help from friends, family, students, and strangers, and I hope I’ve expressed enough thanks to them along the way

Three years ago, I adopted Taylor Swift’s motto, “All I do is try try try.” Two years ago, my niece taught me to say, “I can do hard things.” And one year ago, listening to a Brené Brown podcast, I adopted another motto: “Everyone is just doing their best.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaM1bCuG4xo / https://www.instagram.com/p/CpQCu2jgLXi/ 

I can try. 

I can do hard things. 

I am doing my best. 

With these foundations, I feel confident about continuing to create a life filled with adventure, challenges, and stability. What more could I want after nine years?

Now moving into year 10, I know I need to regain confidence and independence. I’ve gotten comfortable and developed fears I didn’t used to have. Maybe the next step is as simple as painting my bedroom wall to change the ugly blue I’ve never liked. Maybe it’s breaking old toxic habits one by one or taking my business to the next level. I’m not sure. But I know year 10 will be hard, and I can do it because I always keep trying and I always do my best. I can do hard things, and I don’t have to do them alone (especially because as I type this with one hand my cat is laying on top of my other hand)!